UFC 217

I want to do this quickly, but I wonder if that's even possible.

Joanna Champion vs. Thug Rose: I like Rose as a fighter, and the honesty she shows when she talks about pretty much anything. I think the fighting world would be better with her as a champion. But for that to really be true, she'd have to be a seriously dominant champion, the way Joanna is, and the way she's going to be after this fight. Joanna by decision.

Neck Tattoo Garbrandt vs. TJ Snakeinthegrass: The first time Cody hit the spotlight, I just shook my head, because what Dominick Cruz said in the lead-up to their fight was right on: he seems like kind of an idiot. Dude can't rub two thoughts together without setting them on fire and losing both. I don't expect every fighter to have McGregor levels of gab capability, but I can't envision ever being interested in what this guy says if there's no outside reason to be curious (e.g. the feud with Dillashaw).

But he seems like a decent guy--bringing the kid into the ring seemed odd, but I think it comes from a good place--and the more information that comes out, the more that TJ really does appear to be a serious clownfucker piece of shit. I think it's possible that TJ puts up more of a challenge than Cruz did, odd as it is to watch myself write that sentence, but I don't think it's likely, even disregarding the fact I definitely want to see him lose. Garbrandt by 4th round TKO.

Steroid-Free Mikey vs. The Elder God: I realize calling them by these names makes it sound like I'm completely in the bag for GSP. If this was pre-retirement, I would be, even if GSP hadn't taken the time to go up in weight and was effectively fighting a full weight class up. But now? I believe GSP has trained appropriately for this fight, and I'm not assuming he'll be way off what we're used to seeing, yet Bisping has ramped up his game so dramatically that alone changes how it looks like this fight will go.

Bisping's not a wrestler, although he can defend against grapplers reasonably well. GSP was always on another level in that respect, though. That said, I'm not sure GSP's ground game translates as well to middleweight, even if he's puffed up to the point where that's his new natural weight class. I think most of this fight revolves around whether or not I'm right. I think I am. Bisping by decision.