Saturday, March 10, 2018

Of Theoretically Lifelong Commitments

I was at a wedding rehearsal yesterday. The wedding is tonight. I won't comment on the value of marriage--I'll leave that for ol' Doug Stanhope, below--but weddings are a scam and a fucking half.

I'm not talking about having some kind of ceremonial commitment; you want to gather some people and have a party, go ahead. People need more reasons to have fun. The big expensive wedding, though... why? What do you need other than a DJ? Everything's so formalized and set up movement by movement. Fuck that. Do some goddamned cartwheels to the altar. Really, what shows your joy more than doing cartwheels up to your beloved?

Plus--and this might sound like the 'real' reason I'm all fuck weddings, but no, fuck weddings in general--wearing a tux vest is like wearing a guy corset. If you're not already the absolute correct shape, it will mold you into the correct shape. And this is basically the state of all formal wear for women.

If you're going to have a celebratory event, make the formal wear sweatpants. On an occasion of happiness, let people wear their comfy happy clothes. The expense of a 'normal' wedding is bonkers, and at least half the people there are dressing in shit that isn't even enjoyable to wear.

The Dothraki were on to something. Maybe not with the dead people. Or maybe we need to add gladiator fights. Something.

Anyway, Stanhope.

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